Chronic Illness: Surviving People’s Good Intentions
We may find ourselves surprised to discover just how much we are the on the minds of loved ones who are around us. They may actually be concerned ab...
We may find ourselves surprised to discover just how much we are the on the minds of loved ones who are around us. They may actually be concerned about us more than we admit in regard to our illness. So when they comment about our illness in a way that stings we are left wondering about their intentions.
We can do our best to rise above the hurt feelings we experience set us back emotionally. We see that we need to and recognize the concern in their hearts.
There are moments, the “wounds from a friend can be trusted” (Proverbs 27:6). This is because the remarks are truly made out of ignorance. Our loved ones are trying to say something that will get across their love. Their opinions, however, just come out in a way that at times ends up sounding all wrong.
It was 1993 when I received a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis my life changed rapidly. Those individuals at my church body and people at work felt no reluctance in telling me their their thoughts about my diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis –which I was without a doubt not old enough to have–in their ‘expert’ opinion.
As a 24-year-old young woman, living over a thousand miles away from the place I grew up, the decisions I was forced into making about the treatment choices felt serious and overwhelming. I meticulously poured through brochures and paperwork researching medications, therapies and alternative treatments.
I went out of my way to see specialized doctors, such as rheumatologists. I looked closely at different medications and their instant side effects, alongside the long-term outcomes of deciding not to use certain drugs.
The scattered advice from groups of people who had never even heard of my invisible illness felt like a personal attack against my intellect. I know that may sound silly, however. . . that is how it felt. My head thought “The audacity!’
I must admit, of those who casually shared ignorant statements, it is those that had their opinions about my genuineness of my faith that hurt the most.
Have you experienced what Proverbs 18:2 says is a friend that “finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions”?
During the first stages of my diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis, searching for examples of others who had traveled this path road, I researched the inspiring autobiographies of Christians who physically had suffered, Joni Eareckson Tada and Dave Dravecky.
They have, and continue to, hear the same sort of remarks and even insults, that I heard. I grasped onto the promise that the Lord was the only one who truly understood my heart.
If strangers were able to tell these heroes in the suffering ministry that they didn’t have enough faith to be completely healed, what made me imagine that I was exempt from these same criticisms and skepticism? If you see yourself questioning your faith and wondering if something is wrong with you because people suggest that you don’t have enough faith to be healed, guess what? You are not alone.
I’ve also heard some rather derogatory remarks, and it is always an emotional choice to simply smile and say, “I appreciate your concern, but I do not necessarily agree.”
Many times it feels as though everyone who is well, desires me to be in a ministry for those who are healed or a ministry that focuses on how to “get people healed” by discovering a secret formula that they believe God uses.
To be frank, I just do not have that passion for a healing ministry. Many of those already are out there. And I would rejoice at being healed, but the zeal that God has called my heart is a calling to serve where people are today– usually, still ill. I want to meet people wherever they are before they been healed. I want to be a part of in a ministry that stands by them if healing doesn’t comes on on their days on earth.
Through the organization I began in 1996, Rest Ministries, for people who live with chronic illness I have been privileged to have the opportunity to exhibit and speak to many audiences, including pastoral leadership and hospital visitation teams, as well as those coping with chronic invisible illnesses. At every event, however, I am vulnerable to being told, “If you had enough faith you would get healed.”
Frequently people observe the table of our resources and books and then say, “This is terrific, but you should try ‘fill-in-the-blank-alternative-treatment-here,’ and then the Lord would heal you, and then you could have that be your exciting ministry!”
In some strange way, though I still to get upset with the limitations and a generation of my disease, I am just beginning to understand the Bible verse 1 Peter 4:13. It speaks of considering it “pure joy to suffer for Christ.” If this means that I will have to “walk the walk” (or someday wheel?), then I will do so.
And I am not alone in this regard. You will likely discover that many people with chronic invisible illnesses claim that though they are not especially “happy” about their limitations they have found that life is more pure, even though bittersweet, due to the suffering they have survived.
Yes. . . I hate pain! And I get tired of it. God does give us grace and endurance to get through another 24 hours. He also provided the Israelites manna so they could live one more day, solely depending on Him. I confess, like the Israelites, I have my moments I want to complain, “L-o-o-r-d, I’m tired of the manna!”
One will find, however, that as he grows closer to God the remarks people say will become much less important and they will slide off of us much easier than we ever imagine. Although there are days where it feels like people are purposely trying to say things that will bring us emotional pain, most often the pain they cause is not even known to them. Grow close to the Father and your faith in man will grow less and the emotions will not be so painful.
Do you feel like no one understands what you are going through? Author, Lisa Copen shares in her book “Why Can’t I ” more tips to get past the need for friends to empathize. Discover it today so your life can be overflow with joy, not frustration.