I like to consider myself a fairly independent person. Do I want my manfriend to make me soup when I’m gross-flu-death girl? Definitely. Do I want him to pay my rent for me? Certainly not.

Regardless, I’ve been in those relationships where before you know it, you’re practically living with joint finances. It happens; one person loses a job and it seems like the loving and obvious thing to do to help them out until they figure it out; or you just both go through the “you pay for this and I’ll pay you back” cycle so many times that it becomes gray as to whose money belongs to whom. And just like that, you’re a one-account couple.

I’m not saying this is always a terrible thing. Some couples are blissfully communally minded and never have to deal with issues of entitlement, mistrust, co-dependence sickness, or any of that. But if you’re human like the rest of us, it’s typically a really good idea to give your relationship the insurance policy it deserves (I mean, how lame is it to have your love taken down by money. Ick.) and follow these rules for financial harmony:

Take inventory

Cash may be king, but it’s all too easy to spend it and then wonder where the heck it all went. You should both make a detailed list of all your regular expenses like rent, heat and hydro, car payments, insurance etc.

Include what you would spend in a month on things like shopping and going out (movies, entertainment, drink etc.). Don’t forget to add in one of a kind purchases like season’s tickets to your favorite basketball team or that new mountain bike you’ve had your eye on.

Take away the taboo

A lot of couples I know (and a few I’ve been in, I confess) are almost afraid to talk about money because of the potential stress it can bring up. The truth (that you already know) is that the more you avoid talking about it, the more of a sore spot it will be. So just get over it. And make your significant other get over it.

Since infrequent talks about finances are often filled with worry and pressure, it helps if you make money something you talk about frequently. This way it becomes a common topic rather than something you dread talking about.

Compare lists

Now that you’ve decided you want to share your financial obligations you need to sit down and compare your lists. Figure out which expenses are shared (things like the rent, household bills) and which are not (clothing, among other things). It’s not as easy as it sounds and some of the expenses will need discussing. You might consider your wine club membership to be a necessity, but will your partner?

Make a fresh start

With a bank account built for two (ie a joint account). This is what you’ll use to pay the joint expenses and save for things you both want, like vacations. No matter how lovey dovey your relationship you should always have your own bank account as well. Use it for things like personal items, presents for your honey, donating to charities your partner doesn’t care about, or, worst case scenario, getting out of Dodge if things go sour.

This post was written by the writers of the Datepad.com internet dating company where you can read thousands more helpful dating posts.